Five Questions

My friend Lisa at Fat Chick Fed Up wrote a really neat post about getting to know her. I am not a very regular blogger, and those who read this already know most about me. But she addressed 5 specific questions and asked her readers to do the same, so here goes. I bet you find something in here you didn't know before today...

What are you really good at? What are you really bad at?

I am really good at sorting laundry and getting it washed & dried. I am TERRIBLE at getting it folded & put away!


Have you ever been in a car accident? What happened?

When I was a kid, my dad & I were on our way to pick my mom up from work. We got hit by a car that had crossed the center line. I remember my dad pulling me out of the window because the door wouldn't open. I remember hearing someone say our car was on fire, and wondering why we weren't all doing that slow-motion run and dive in the ditch move that I saw on all the TV movies when vehicles caught fire. :) I will also never forget the smell of burnt car...yuk! A few years ago, my dad & I drove by that same spot, and he told me that was one of the scariest moments of his life.


Why did you attend your college?

Because it was free. Seriously! I decided to start college when Kate started kindergarten. My mom heard about a scholarship for "non-traditional" students. When I called to ask about the details, I found out I had less than a week to pull together 5-yr old transcripts, get 3 letters of recommendation, fill out a lengthy application, and write an essay. The lady on the phone very nicely wished me good luck.

I did my best & turned in the papers, and they called me for an interview. I was mortified - I am not very good at interviews, especially the kind that has me at one end of a conference table and five people at the other end asking me questions. In the end, it felt more like a conversation than an interview. I got a call at work the next week telling me I was awarded the scholarship - 4 years paid tuition and a yearly book stipend. It was like hitting the lottery - everyone in the office cried with me. Somebody sent me flowers for the first time in years.

I stayed local because I needed the support of family & friends to do the working mom, full-time student thing. In my heart, I was as far away as I could get once I graduated. Over those four years, my heart was changed...by God, by a man that I did not yet know would be my husband, and by the Lafayette community itself.


How did your parents’ relationship influence you?

Um, this one's a little hard. I've never really discussed this with my parents, but I'm also pretty open with them, so should they read this they likely won't be surprised. I don't remember much about my parents when they were married - no fighting, no yelling. Just that if one of them said no, the other one backed them up. Every time. I couldn't get either one of them to crack! :)

My parents divorced when I was 12-13. I remember my dad (who was in grad school for psychology at the time) telling me (a lot!) that their divorce was not my fault. Apparently a lot of kids blame themselves. I thought he was nuts - I never blamed myself, I blamed them!

After the divorce, I lived with my mom for the rough teenage years, and visited my dad when I could (he lived out of state a lot of the time). I never felt like I was in the middle of my parents, but I always had a feeling that being loyal to one parent meant being disloyal to the other. I don't know why - neither of them perpetuated this idea at all.

Unfortunately, my first marriage was a lot like theirs - just shorter. Kate's dad & I divorced after 3 years of marriage. Divorce is a horrible thing to go through - no exceptions. I finally realized I could have a close relationship to both parents without being disloyal to anyone. I was also able to look at how my mom & dad continued to parent together, despite not being married. I try to use their example to this day as a model for my parenting relationship with Kate's dad. I guess I won't know until she grows up and answers a question like this, how well it worked!

My dad has been with the same lady since the divorce. They are not married, but their relationship has influenced me. They give each other freedom to chase their dreams and to be who they want to be, regardless of tradition, or what people say. If my dad wants to come visit his family and she doesn't think it's the right time for her to take vacation from work, she stays home. That's how they roll, and I respect that. To be able to separate out what I really want from what I think everyone wants me to want is an important life skill.

My mom stayed single for a long time, but is now remarried (to a man with the same name as my dad). I wish my stepdad would have come into her life (and ours) a lot earlier than he did. For one thing, he's a much better cook...lol! They are still giddy in love - sometimes nauseatingly, but mostly it's just wonderful to see her happy. He loves my mom and that makes us all happy. And he is such a steadfast & godly man. He's got one of those quiet but powerful personalities - I know when he has something to say, I need to listen. Their relationship is a model for the spiritual life of our marriage.


What were the three happiest moments of your life?

I don't like questions like this, because it means excluding memories, and also because I have a bad memory. But I will try:

1. My Great Banquet weekend. I spent most of it crying, but it has led to a secure happiness and a joy in life that I did not have before that weekend. I've been in church my whole life, but it was this particular experience that I finally understood what a community of Christians looked like. God captured my heart that weekend and I have been growing ever since. (If any of you are curious about the Great Banquet, I'd be happy to talk with you about it!)

2. The moment I realized I was going to marry Rick. He will tell you he knew he was going to marry me after a month of knowing me. He was always trying to have "serious relationship" talks and I hated that. I was newly divorced, and generally am not a "get back on the horse" kind of girl. I was ok with being single, and when he started saying words like "future" I would change the subject, every time. I don't remember when it happened, but we had known each other for at least 5 years, and we were sitting in the car outside of our church. I thought we were going to discuss where we should have lunch, but he started his long-term talking. I tried changing the subject but it didn't work. I was told frankly that he was serious about this, and one day I was going to have to answer the question and I better prepare myself for it, one way or the other. The words were harsh, but the tone was not - it was exactly what was necessary to get my stubborn heart's attention. I was committed from that moment on - the wedding was just a formality ;)

3. My kids - they were, they are, and they will be sources of happiness for me. I know they will be sources of other emotions as well, but this question is about happiness. The little things make my heart smile - toddler Kate singing "American Woman" with her dad, reading Max Lucado's "You Are Special" every night before bed, Ben making teenager Kate scream because he's trying to lick her (gross!), teenager Kate's decision to donate all her Christmas gift money to charity, or her increasing logic during arguments with her mother. That sort of thing - it is a beautiful privelege to watch them grow.



Hope you learned something new about me. How about you? Care to share a little about yourself?